Hellos... back from the toilet from diarrhoea,perhaps of the food from my amah's birthday dinner. Today's my amah birthday and what was realised that i don't know how old is my grandma this year. Sorry for that because, they only put a candle on the cake. Haha.



Anyways, I don't know of the mixed feelings inside me. I am really looking forward to the birthday dinner but another part of me don't. I think it is really the family politics that is really driving me crazy. I don't see the reason for me to feel this way. I hate the way they look at me or rather us. The way they caused the problem to be in this way. Therefore, I am sorry that I don't see the need for them to greet them or say hello. Call me disrespectful but isn' t there a saying

"If you want others to respect you, you should first respect the others?"

Ok, say that i am still young and don't now most of the issues that had actually caused things to turn out these way.




However, I somehow knew what had happened. I see my father as generous and someone who will not forget the kindness of others. Thats why he treats his siblings well but some people take his good for granted. I mean if they have not take my father's good for granted, would my father ever turn his back against you all? well, I cannot answer that for them but only they themselves can. Brotherly ties you call that. Bullshit I say.



What I cannot stand before the dinner was that my father and brother were late and the people there or rather my relatives were rushing me and asking me to call them and ask what time will they be coming. I told them already, we will just start the dinner without waiting for them. I am just acting according to what my dad has told me. To me, I felt like a superstar just now. I had to say repeatedly that we shall start the dinner without them. What made me the most fed up was that hey had to show their grotesque face to show their unpleasantness. Oh ya, I forgot to mention that my father had last minute work thus being late for the dinner. What can he do about it? So, I had to sarcastically reply that

"ya, if only he ( my dad) owns the roads!"

I don't know why things turn out this way. Every family gathering is always like that. I know I have serious attitude problem but lets put it this way. I am actually kind lars. I mean if my relatives don't see me in another light, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, I would be really really kinder with my words. Serious and I mean it. =)

12:35:00 AM